Prying eyes

I mentioned a while back that I had installed Google Analytics. It's really great. It tracks how many people have been to your site, how long they spent there, how many pages they visited, how they got there, where they live (simply city and country, so no worries that your address is being revealed to me), etc. I installed it at a time when I was certain that no one was reading and it's great at giving me feedback since very few people leave comments (hint! hint! hint!).

Recently an anomaly has appeared in the location of the people who visit my blog. I live in Indiana. I expect people in Indiana to read. After all, some of my friends and family members get regular updates every time that I make an entry. However, lately there have been nearly twice as many hits from the city of Seattle as there are from the entire state of Indiana (I have friends and family in MANY parts of the state).

So, here's my question to my Seattle reader(s). Who are you? What has brought you to my blog? What makes you keep coming back? Do I know you?

In fact, I'd like to pose the same questions to other people who visit. I would love to know what you think. I'm open to praise, criticism, etc. Things may not change, but I'd at least love to get the feedback.

Get out and get living!

A word on "Julie & Julia"

Don't you hate it when a movie or person or place gets talked about and hyped and surrounded by a great buzz only to not live up to all that ado? I was sure that was going to happen with "Julie & Julia". I'm so glad it didn't!

I first saw the trailers for this movie in June. I could barely wait to see it! I was certain that opening date of August 7th would never come. It was kind of like waiting for Christmas!

I'm sure many of you have heard about it, but for those of you just being released from under your rock, it's a story based on two true stories. One is the story of Julia Childs' birth into the world of cooking. The second is the story of a blogger (named Julie) who decides to try to put a little spice in her life by cooking all of the recipes in Julia Childs cookbook in one year and writing about it on her blog.

The stories were great. The humor and emotion didn't seem contrived and the characters were made more accessible because they were shown even with their flaws. But for me, it was the relatability of the blogging Julie and the struggles she went through that really made the movie wonderful.

I'm not a writer. I never enjoyed writing as a young girl. Perhaps that's the reason I'm a mathematician. However, I do love telling a good story. I have a passion for documenting my life and thoughts just in case someday some of my mental facilities leave me. Perhaps then I can at least read what I've written and think, "Wow. I don't know this girl, but she sure seems to have had a pretty good life." But perhaps the biggest reason I like blogging is because I actually do like the occasional bit of attention even though I don't like to admit it. I think if you're putting your thoughts /emotions / life out into cyberspace for all the world to read, you must want SOME attention, right?

So, this is the real reason I think I loved "Julie & Julia" so much. The blogging Julie couldn't have been more relatable to me. When she asked the universe that is the internet if someone was actually out there and reading, I felt her pain. When she nearly jumped for joy at the first comment she received on her blog, I too nearly let out a little "YAHOOOO" having remembered the first comment left on my blog. At one point in the movie, she sort of loses her mind a bit when the cooking is not going well at all. She basically falls on the kitchen floor (where a whole chicken has unfortunately also fallen), curls up in a ball and simply starts weeping like a baby. Oh, how I can relate to this one! Sometimes I perhaps jump into things with both feet and then have a bit of meltdown when I feel overwhelmed. Troy likes to refer to these moments as my "freak outs". As in, "Calm down. It will be okay. Don't freak out." For the record, having a freak out is not done as a conscious decision. By the time you're at the freak out stage, there are any number of things which are clearly no longer under your control. I'm sure you know what I mean. I can't be the only one this happens to.

While this movie may be billed as a "chick flick", I think it has a much broader appeal. For those who pour their hearts out to the internet universe; for those who are unhappy with their lives and want to be assured that there is a light at the end of the tunnel; for those who have set themselves seemingly unattainable goals: this is the movie for you.

Grab a bag of popcorn for me. I'll see you at the theater.

Morbid curiosity or simply morbid?

As an Employee Benefits actuary at a large firm with a small pensions department, part of my job is to process the applications sent in by plan participants who want to retire. Additionally, I also receive requests for death benefits to be paid. So, I deal with death "in theory".

I'm fascinated by this paperwork. I love to look at the birth certificates. I think they are a great snapshot of a certain time and place in history. For instance, most of the birth certificates I deal with now are for people who were born in the 40s and 50s. Many of them are from the midwest and south because of the clients that we serve. In addition to having spaces for the mother and father's names, there are numerous other questions. These questions vary from state to state and by the years during which those were the birth certificates in use. For instance, one question I frequently see is "Legitimate?" I'm pretty sure this is not a question that shows up on a birth certificate for a baby born in 2009.

It's not my fascination with the birth certificates that makes me question my own personality quirks. It's the death certificates. Besides the fact that many of these certificates are often for people who are right around my parents' age (I am constantly hounding them about taking better care of themselves), I am always drawn to 2 lines in particular. "Cause of death" and "time from onset or diagnosis to death."

We Hoosiers are not the healthiest bunch. Besides repeatedly being told that the way to stay healthy is to eat right and exercise, we still consume copious amounts of fried foods, sit on our davenports (couches to the rest of the country) and light up our cigarettes. Consequently many of the causes of death I see are heart attacks or heart disease and cancers of all sorts. This makes me sad that we can't get our acts together. What is even worse is when that blank for "time from onset" reads 2 months or even 2 weeks. Apparently we're not getting to the doctor like we should either.

What makes me post this today? I processed a request this morning that started out as a retirement benefit and ended up as a death benefit. A woman, on the cusp of her 64th birthday, filled out retirement paperwork during June so that she could retire on July 1. I'm sure she was looking forward to retirement. Maybe it meant more time with her husband and grandkids. Maybe it meant finally entering that gardening contest. Maybe it meant trying out sky-diving for the first time. Unfortunately, before the paperwork could even make it to me so that she could start receiving her monthly benefit, she died in July just a few days after her 64th birthday. I never met her. I never knew her, but I hope that I can learn from her.

We are so not promised tomorrow. I know it sounds trite, but if you love someone, tell them. If you have a dream, don't let the naysayers keep you from trying to reach it. I know I'm doing my best not to let them keep me from it.

It seems only right....

Last week I complained about witnessing a parent just not "getting it". It seems only right that when I witness the opposite, I should share that as well.

On Saturday, frustrated by the lack of a pantry in my kitchen and bolstered by Rachel's amazing house renovation over at Bungalow Bliss, I decided to make the just-under-2-hour drive to IKEA in West Chester, OH. I love Ikea and usually I go to the one in Schaumberg, IL, but that's DEFINTELY an all day affair. Consequently, I haven't been in a few years. Luckily, in March of 2008, they built a new one just north of Cincinnati, OH. After visiting there, I think that will definitely be my store of choice since they have all the same stuff as the Schaumburg location, they are closer by nearly 1 1/2 hours and I don't have to battle Chicago traffic. Sweet!

I went specifically for a couple of narrow shelves (my breakfast "cubby" has two narrow spaces next to the window), but of course I have to look around, ....right? This always gets me in trouble. I've toned it down quite a bit, but I think you would be hard-pressed to find a room in my house that doesn't have AT LEAST 3 items from Ikea.

While drooling over this amazingly clever table, I saw a couple of kids (brother and sister probably about 12 and 13) stumped by another table. The top of the table to could be folded down to save space, but they were stumped as to how to get the table top to stay up. The dad, who had moved on to look at some other items, heard them ask, "How does this work?" His response? He walked back over to them, said, "It's called a gateleg table...." He then proceeded to explain it to them and to show them how it worked. The result? Peace! The curiosity of the kids was satisfied, they were contented, the father moved on to continue looking at another table, the rest of the shoppers in the area never even knew! There was no commotion. There were no tantrums and ill-feelings. It was amazing.

Yeah! Score one for the good guys!

I'm gonna figure this technology thing out yet.....

I like to think I'm forward thinking and introspective. I like to think I'm ahead of the curve in many respects. Obviously technology is not one of them!

I still have a landline. I just got a laptop with wi-fi last summer. Up until earlier this week, my "newest" TV was at least 11 years old. I do know, to the amazement of my parents, that you CAN google the answers to nearly ANYTHING you want to know. My own latest foray into the world of advanced technology happened this afternoon.

I love Facebook. Seriously. I think it's a great way to kind of keep a pulse on what your friends/cohorts/former classmates are doing and what is important to them. I love being able to read their blogs and I really love being able to share mine with people who I may not interact with on a daily basis. But all of these apps and pages and other things that you can join as a friend are mind-boggling to me.

That being said, it doesn't stop me from wanting to promote my own interests when I get a chance. For instance, a neighbor that lives down the street from me has a very cute bungalow that she's in the process of upgrading and renovating. (Don't even get me started on how it makes my perfectionistic tendencies go into overdrive. She's done an amazing job!) She created a page on Facebook to share her entries with her Facebook friends. Well, that seemed like a fabulous idea to me, so I decided to do the same for my own blog rantings. It seemed easy enough, but ended up being a bit more head-scratching than I thought it would.

In the grand scheme of things, it didn't take that long to do (about 1 hour or so), but in a world where we are used to instant gratification, it seemed like forever.

My thanks to Rachel and her Facebook expertise. If you've gotten here through Facebook, welcome.

A few random thoughts on how we treat the ones we "love"

I witnessed a couple of things recently that have me kind of searching for the meaning behind how we treat one another and especially those we purport to love.

I'm almost certain I'm gonna piss off any number of people with the things I am about to say, so if you're sensitive about the criticisms that we each make about one another's behaviors, you should stop reading now. Really.

Another caveat before I continue. My thoughts and opinions are mine. They are born of my own unique experiences, insights and feelings. I am not and have never been married. I don't have any children. I am an enigma of risk-taking and risk-aversion. I care about things deeply and am often overwhelmed by the feelings that I get from being empathetic towards other. Sometimes I'm not and I just get mad.

Encounter #1: Last Sunday Sasha and I were taking a long walk through the neighborhood when we crossed paths with a man who was walking a beagle. He politely stepped aside so that we could pass. As we passed him, Sasha and his beagle tried very hard to get close enough to sniff one another. After asking if it was okay, I allowed Sasha to get close enough to sniff the other dog. Meanwhile, I struck up a brief conversation with the man. I simply said, "That's a very pretty dog. I had a beagle mix when I was little." To which he responded. "She is NOT a mix!"

Oooookaaayy. I'm sure I've shared my opinion on dogs/cats/etc before. Sasha is a mutt and that is perfectly fine with me! She is a wonderfully smart, amazing dog. Would she be any better if she was a purebred? Who knows. My guess is no. If you want to spend your money on a purebred dog, that's fine. I'm not going to think any less of you. All I'm asking is that you show me the same courtesy. There are sooo many dogs in shelters that are just as wonderful. Many of them actually purebreds.

Anyway, I digress. The man then goes on to tell me that the beagle is grand champion and that she's about to fly to Canada where she will spend a year competing in obedience/agility (?) courses. Then she'll come back here where she'll be "kenneled" because it will be time for the younger ones to compete. Being a little taken aback by his comment, I asked how old she was. He said she was 6. The average life expectancy for a beagle is between 12 - 15 years, so what you're saying is that since your dog is middle-aged, she no longer measures up? My heart went out to this poor dog. If it's been competing for most of its life, it's used to regular mental and physical stimulation. I can't imagine she's going to continue to get that in the "kennel". Is this really how you treat an animal that has brought accolades to you?

My fury was somewhat squealched when he tried to show what a great champion she was. He said to her, "Sadie! Lay.....lay.....lay......lay". Needless to say, Sadie didn't respond in the least. I just kind of chuckled to myself knowing that my mutt could most definitely obey a simple command even when distracted by another dog.

Encounter #2:
Recently I've been working with Dr. F (my psychologist) about what it means to figure out what I want, how to care about myself and learn that those things (if not destructive) are ok. In the course of doing so, we always talk about my past life experiences and how they might have gotten me to where I am today. Part of that talking recently brought me to the realization that perhaps in addition to eating to deal with emotions (because I was just too sensitive, you know), I also ate because I was bored out of my mind.

When school was in session things were better, but still frustrating because when there are a class of 20 students there are inevitably going to be some kids who learn slower than I did and we had to go at their pace instead of mine. When school was out though, things were mind-numbingly boring. I loved reading as an adolescent and because my mom worked and my dad slept during the day because he worked at night, the one VERY bright spot in my week was Thursday morning when the bookmobile would come. I loved being able to walk down to the end of the street and checking out enough books to keep me busy until the next week. Unfortunately my mom thought I wasn't responsible enough to keep my own library card (I'm not sure how a kid is supposed to learn how to be responsible if they are never given any responsibilities, but that's a whole other topic), so she would have to leave it for me so that I could check out the books. Since she was often working two jobs, she would sometimes forget. Ugh.... I would have to return the books I had and not be able to get any more. Boredom ensued.

I was also very curious about things. Even today, I love going to factories where you can see how something is made or watching TV shows that delve into the inner working of things like why we call a sandwich a sandwich. Often that curiousity was not fed. I understand my parents were VERY busy working multiple jobs and trying to keep a roof over our heads. Unfortunately, I think I needed more one on one attention to the details of the things around us.

Enter my experience in the grocery store the other night. A mother (probably in her late 20s) was there with her 2 sons (I'm guessing about 7 and 10). While they were shopping, the older boy patiently held out a container of cookies and then asked, "may we get these?" The mother's response? A grunt and a scowl, which apparently the boy understood to mean, "No". Then, while in the produce section, the boy spotted some kiwi. Since this is sort of an exotic fruit to those in the midwest, I'm guessing he probably hadn't seem them before. He simply asked his mom, "What are these?" The mom's response? (Without even glancing in the child's direction!) she gruffly said, "I don't know. Get over here!"

Ok, I understand that we all get tired and frustrated and annoyed with those around us, but my heart went out to this kid. He was polite (a trait I think is sometimes lacking in most kids) and he was truly inquisitive. He had encountered something that was foreign to him and he was curious about it. This seemed like a perfect teaching moment. If the mom knows, she could at least tell him. If she doesn't, maybe we say, "I don't know, but remind me when we get home and we can look it up." I know. I know. I'm living in a fantasy world, but why is that? Shouldn't we WANT kids to seek out knowledge and to grow beyond where we are so that they can make the world a better place? Is it easy? No. Is it time-consuming and labor intensive? Yes! Do we have to actually PAY ATTENTION in order for that to happen? Certainly! Is it worth it in the long run? Most definitely!

Agree? Don't agree? You've got lots of choices at this point. Here are just 2 that I offer. 1) Either agree or fume in silence. 2) Start a conversation about what you think. With me. With your spouse. With your children. Heck, with your mailman. Just get involved and pay attention to what is going on around you.

Weeks #2 and #3 Summary

I am really pleased and excited at the prospect that this 101 in 1001 list #2 holds for me and I'm thoroughly enjoying working on the tasks. For the full list look over here ---->

Here's how things look after 3 weeks:

#5 - I completed my sushi dinner during July with Troy after his successful medical check-up. I actually also had another sushi dinner with my brother the next weekend (which also happened to be in July). The committee of Me, Myself and I are currently in negotiations about how to handle this one. Can it be kept in reserve for another month when perhaps I don't make it? Was it simply a second visit for the month of July? I'll keep you posted on the final verdict.

#8 - The penny collecting is going fairly well. I figure that in order to reach my goal of 100,000, I need to collect about 100 a day. At that rate, as of the end of week 3 I should have had 1800 pennies. Thanks to the generosity of my parents, brother, Troy, Troy's family and my friend Patrick, I am comfortably ahead of schedule. However, I don't want this to have me sitting back and resting on my laurels because it would be easy enough to get behind. If you're a spare change collector, I am making a deal that I will roll all of your other change in exchange for your pennies. It took me a several of hours, but I gathered about 2200 pennies from Patrick and in exchange, I rolled over $200 in other coins him. Not bad! I read an article online that it is estimated that Americans have about 10 BILLION dollars in spare change sitting around their homes being unused right now. Are you contributing to that amount? If so, I'd LOVE to take the pennies off of your hands. Just let me know....please.

#13 - I parked on the street near my work building downtown the other day and when I went down to feed my meter, the one right next to mine was expired, so I popped 50 cents into that one and poof! 1 meter down. 2 to go.

#16 - I love it when people read my blog and it motivates them to action. Recently a couple of friends said that they were reading my blog and decided that as they entered their second year of marriage, they would come up with their own "bucket" list of sorts. Oh! And they wanted to give me hugs! Sweet! 17 down. 33 to go!

#20. Rice count = 13,810. Best word? lachrymal

#21. I went to see my parents in Fort Wayne on July 25th. It only seems fair since they've been making the trip to see me for the past 6 months. We had a lovely breakfast and Mom and I got our hair cut together. Fun! Hopefully the next visit will be a bit longer.

#24. There's a really convenient farmers' market nearby on Wednesdays, so I walked down and grabbed a chinese eggplant (I'll let you know how it is). There were several people selling corn, but since I tasted the "Gotta Have It" that Troy's family grows, I'm very picky about my corn on the cob. This is some GREAT corn! I mentioned that to one of the vendors who was touting her very sweet sweet corn and she gave me an ear of hers to try. The only catch was that I had to report back how it compared to the "Gotta Have It." Deal! I have to admit. Her corn was really good. It was sweet and juicy and none of those kernel bits got stuck in my teeth. I hate it when that happens.

#45. I have a new follower!!!!! That's 2/10. Very exciting. You too can be a follower you know. Your loyalty is just a click away. Come on. You know you wanna. All the cool kids are doing it.

#56 and #57. Done and done (3/144). The second is much more difficult that I thought it would be. Hopefully my heart will soften a bit as I age.

#70. Ok, officially I didn't do this one until after the end of July, but it's my list and I say it counts.

#79. Step total as of Sunday, August 2, 2009 = 105,696 or about 1.3% of the 8,008,000. At that point I was about I was about 38,000 steps behind where I should be. I can make that up....right?

#84. My skin, hair, etc. thank me that I've kept up with this one. I'm definitely going to have to contact my Mary Kay lady sooner than I thought I might.

#90. I've taken those daily pictures as well. At first I started taking a picture of myself everyday ala www.flickaday.com, but sometimes I don't just want a photo of myself. That's a LOT of self-portraits!

#97. Bought a Wii! Sweet. Come on over if you wanna play. I think it's way more fun with other people than by myself. Oh! And I got a really big TV to play it on too. Way cool!