Maybe it was Plan B all along

Driving home this evening, Colbie Caillat's remake/remix of The Script's Breakeven song came on the radio. This was maybe the third or fourth time I'd heard it. I remember the first time I heard it, I was completely mesmerized. I loved it from the first second. I loved it in a put-it-on-repeat-until-the-record-breaks kind of way. Yes, I'd heard the lyrics and tune before, but somehow THIS version spoke to me in a way that the original hadn't.

The original "Breakeven" by The Script:

The Colbie Caillat remix/remake:

This made me think of the Dixie Chick's remake of the original Fleetwood Mac "Landslide". It was another song that I was surprised when I loved the cover more than the original and the original is an amazing song. Once again, something about the Dixie Chicks cover spoke to me.

The original "Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac:

The Dixie Chicks cover of "Landslide":

As my mind continued to wander, it occurred to me that maybe sometimes life is like that.  After all, some people believe that The Godfather II was better than the original.

Maybe sometimes the first version is not the best version.

On the cusp of my 40th birthday, I can't help but think this life that I'm leading was most definitely NOT the first version of my plan. In Plan A, by the time I was 40, I would be well-established and well thought of in my career. I would be witnessing life through the eyes of my teenage child as they experienced all of the teenaged angst as I once did. I would curl up at night next to my partner, my rock, my husband.

Instead, my life has become Plan B. Not only do I not have a teenager, I have no children at all. I stopped taking exams long ago and have settled as a data analyst rather than a full-fledged actuary. The only thing curling up next to me as I nod off at night is a dog.  And that's only on her terms ..... if she's cold.

On the other hand, Plan B has a lot to recommend it. Outside of my work commitments, I have lots of freedom and answer to no one. If I want to take off for a ride on my motorcycle or spend a whole Saturday playing bridge, I can do it. As long as the dog gets walked and the bills get paid, my time is my own.  A few weeks ago I bought a new car. I did my research to make sure I was making a good purchase, but other than that, I consulted no one. I didn't ask for anyone's opinion and it didn't occur to me to do so.

I often times also think that if I was knee deep in Plan A, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I can imagine that with my upbringing, I would have simply followed the herd and done what everyone else does. The sad thing is that it never would have occurred to me to STOP following the herd and figure out who I really am. For me, this journey to self-discovery is best undertaken all by myself. My inner voice is awfully quiet and if I wasn't able to get away from it all, I might never hear what she has to say.

So maybe some day when I am old and gray, I will look back and realize that Plan B was always the song that spoke to me.

8 a day for good health

“It was just a hug, but gods, it meant so much. It meant everything.” 

― Jennifer L. Armentrout, Half-Blood

I need more hugs. There. I said it.

I recently read a quote that said we need

* 4 hugs a day for survival.

* 8 hugs a day for maintenance.

* 12 hugs a day for growth.

On an average day, are you surviving, maintaining or growing?

Growing up, I don't remember a lot of hugging going on in my family. My mom didn't really tuck me into bed at night because she was usually still at work. I didn't witness any spontaneous hugging between my parents. Even to this day, my dad is one of the most awkward huggers I've experienced. I think it comes from the fact that HIS family weren't huggers. The only time that there was much of any hugging in my house growing up was when family came to visit for holidays. Then it could be heard, "Heather, come give your aunt and uncle a hug before they leave."

I remember wanting more hugs.

There really is very little that is better than a really great hug. Whether we are each huggers or not, we all  KNOW what a good hug feels like. And what a less than ideal hug feels like.

I hate one-armed huggers. I'm not referring to those people who have had to experience an amputation, but those people whose attempts at hugging are half-hearted at best. And you can tell. They think that just swinging one arm around for 1/2 a second counts as a hug. It doesn't.

I think a real hug only occurs when your arms are emptied and your hearts are filled. A real hug involves two people sharing a moment of contact with one another where they exchange the heat of their bodies and the warmth of their hearts.

There is a young man at the church that I go to who is a blue-ribbon, gold-medal, 5-star award-winning hugger! During the "passing of the peace" when others are greeting one another with a nod or a handshake or a "Peace be with you", he is hugging. He hugs his family and his friends. He hugs acquaintance and people who are first-time visitors.

I admire him. I wish I could be that kind of a hugger.

I know that we all need hugs and most people want hugs, but I still find myself afraid of that wretched possibility of rejection. There's the possibility that someone could say, "I'm not a hugger." If they do, should  I take it personally? Is it that they just don't want to hug me?

I swear I shower every day and brush twice a day, but I seem to have this affect on other creatures, human or otherwise.

I often overhear people complaining about their dogs who ALWAYS have to be near them and are constantly wanting to be petted. Oh, how I wish for this problem. Sasha is literally the only dog I've ever met that has zero interest in being petted. At least by me.  One of my cats occasionally comes out of hiding long enough to rub up against my leg, but then only lets me stroke her once or twice before running off again.

On a recent trip to visit my family, as I was getting ready to leave, I asked my 2 1/2 year-old niece if I could have a hug. Her response was an adamant "NO!" I tried not to let it break my heart.

On an average day, according to the 4/8/12 hug standard, I am coming in well below survival status.  With no husband, no one that I'm dating, no roommate and no family around, I literally can't remember the last time anyone hugged me.

Maybe it's because others have that same fear of being rejected.

So, how do we turn this around? How do we make sure each of us is getting enough daily hugs for growth?

Here's my challenge to you:

* Tomorrow, make sure you get enough hugs to survive.

* The next day, make sure you get enough hugs to maintain.

* Every day after that, make sure you get enough hugs to grow.

After all, it takes two to make a great hug. If you're getting the proper hug dosage each day, then you're helping to make sure someone else does too.

Sometimes there are no words....

Sometimes there are no words.

Sometimes it's too hard for me to express all of the things in my heart and on my mind.

Sometimes there are no words.

Sometimes there is a smile on my face and a tear in my heart.

Sometimes there are no words.

Sometimes my heart feels ready to burst from the love that I feel.

Sometimes there are no words. 

...Thank goodness there always lyrics......

"Everyone's Waiting"

I know all the lines to say
The part I’m expected to play
But in the reflection I am worlds away

As I put my costume on
Eyelashes one by one
Been doing this so long I can tie the knot
Behind my back

And everyone’s waiting
But it’s getting harder to hear what my heart is saying
Cos everyone’s waiting

"Just swallow and breathe," she says,
"Remember this ain’t for you it’s for them
And all of those painful lessons you’ve had to learn
You gotta use them now or never"

Cos everyone’s waiting
But it’s getting harder to hear
What my heart keeps saying
Turn it off, I wanna turn it all off

When everyone’s waiting
It makes it harder to hear what my heart keeps saying
Turn it off, I wanna turn it all off

But everyone’s waiting
I hear that answers appear when you just stand still
But make it all, how do you make it all stop
When everyone’s waiting?
Everyone's waiting.

"The Last Day on Earth"

In honor of the Mayans and all they have to say about today, it seems only appropriate to share this today:

The Last Day on Earth - Kate Miller-Heidke
Look downThe ground below is crumblingLook upThe stars are all exploding
It's the last day on earthIn my dreams, in my dreamsIt's the end of the worldAnd you've come back to me in my dreams
BetweenThe dust and the debrisThere's a lightSurrounding you and me
It's the last day on earthIn my dreams, in my dreamsIt's the end of the worldAnd you've come back to me in my dreams
And you hold me closerThan I can ever remember being heldI'm not afraid to sleep nowIf we can stay like this until
It's the last day on earthIn my dreams, in my dreamsIt's the end of the worldAnd you've come back to me
In my head I replay our conversationsOver and over 'til they feel like hallucinationsYou know me, I love to lose my mind
And every timeAnybody speaks your nameI still feel the sameI ache, I ache, I ache inside
I ache, I ache, I ache insideI ache, I ache, I ache insideI ache, I ache, I ache inside
___________________________________________________________________

Or perhaps you're more of an REM fan.  (They seem fine with it):

It's The End of The World by REM

That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane -
Lenny Bruce is not afraid. Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn -
world serves its own needs, regardless of your own needs. Feed it up a knock,
speed, grunt no, strength no. Ladder structure clatter with fear of height,
down height. Wire in a fire, represent the seven games in a government for
hire and a combat site. Left her, wasn't coming in a hurry with the furies
breathing down your neck. Team by team reporters baffled, trump, tethered
crop. Look at that low plane! Fine then. Uh oh, overflow, population,
common group, but it'll do. Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its
own needs, listen to your heart bleed. Tell me with the rapture and the
reverent in the right - right. You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright
light, feeling pretty psyched.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

Six o'clock - TV hour. Don't get caught in foreign tower. Slash and burn,
return, listen to yourself churn. Lock him in uniform and book burning,
blood letting. Every motive escalate. Automotive incinerate. Light a candle,
light a motive. Step down, step down. Watch a heel crush, crush. Uh oh,
this means no fear - cavalier. Renegade and steer clear! A tournament,
a tournament, a tournament of lies. Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives
and I decline.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

The other night I tripped a nice continental drift divide. Mount St. Edelite.
Leonard Bernstein. Leonid Breshnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs.
Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom! You symbiotic, patriotic,
slam, but neck, right? Right.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine...fine...

(It's time I had some time alone)

Life lessons from Doctor Who

I've recently been enjoying watching the rebirth of the british television series Doctor Who introduced to me by a friend at work. I noticed an uptick in Doctor Who apparel this year at GenCon and I wondered what all the fuss was about. This friend is a big fan of the series and he's graciously shared his DVD collection of the series with me. So each weekday afternoon, I heat up my lunch, grab my DVD and sit down for an episode of The Doctor.

I was a bit unsure in the very early stages, but I have to admit that Christopher Eccleston drew me in as my first Doctor.  When David Tennant took over at the end of Season 1 (the Doctor doesn't ever die. He just regenerates), I was crushed and swore my eternal allegiance to CE, but now I love DT.  Sigh. A girl can be fickle, right?

Along with the Doctor, there are also the Doctor's companions. The first companion that I was introduced to was Rose Tyler. She was a somewhat simple shopgirl from London. She was fun, but a tad clingy and always dumping her on-again-off-again boyfriend, Micky, whenever the Doctor glanced in her general direction. She ended her run with the Doctor scratching and clawing trying to get back to him, essentially.

His next companion was Martha Jones, a medical student and a woman with her own mind. Her run with the Doctor only lasted one season with him and I most definitely related to her closing lines as she left the Doctor standing in his Tardis setting out on his next adventure:

Martha Jones:   I spent a lot of time with you thinking I was second best, but you know what? I AM good.... Are you gonna be all right?

Doctor Who:      Always. Yeah.

Martha Jones:   Right then. Bye.

{leaves the Tardis. Returns a moment later} 

….’Cause the thing is….it’s like my friend Vicki. She lived with this bloke. Student housing. There were five of them all packed in and this bloke was called Shawn. And she loved him. She did. She COMPLETELY adored him. Spent all day long talking about him.

Doctor Who:      Is this going anywhere?

Martha Jones:   Yes! …’Cause he never looked at her twice. I mean, he liked her. That was it. And she wasted years pining after him. Years of her life. Because while he was around, she never looked at anyone else. And I told her…I always said to her…time and time again, I said, “Get. Out.” ......So this is me. Getting out.

Christina Perri - The Lonely

The Lonely

2am; where do I begin,

Crying off my face again.

The silent sound of loneliness

Wants to follow me to bed.

I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most.
I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well.

Dancing slowly in an empty room,
Can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby.
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again.

Too afraid to go inside
For the pain of one more loveless night.
But the loneliness will stay with me
And hold me til I fall asleep.

I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most.
I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well.

Dancing slowly in an empty room,
Can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby.
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again.

Broken pieces of
A barely breathing story
Where there once was love
Now there's only me and the lonely.

Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again.

"As it seems"

"As it Seems" by Lily Kershaw

Well I knew what I didn't want to know; and I saw where I didn't want to go.

So I took the path less traveled on and I'll let my stories be whispered when I'm gone..

When I'm gone

When I'm gone

When I'm gone

Well in this life you must find something to live for, cause when the darkness comes a callin' you'll go back to where you were before. Cause this life is as fragile as a dream, and nothing's ever really as it seems...

As it seems

As it seems

As it seems

Well I lost my innocence when in I let him dive, but the way that he looked at me made me feel alive. And now I know nothin' at all, but the release that comes when you're in mid fall...

In mid fall

In mid fall

In mid fall

Cause in this life you must find something to live for; cause when the darkness comes a callin' you'll go back to where you were before. Cause this life is as fragile as a dream, and nothing's ever really as it seems... 

As it seems

As it seems

As it seems

Tristan Prettyman - New album out October 2nd!

"I Was Gonna Marry You"

I gotta go
Time to spread my wings and fly
Higher than the blue sky
Never did me any good
Waiting around
Only so much that my heart can take
It doesn’t matter what you say
Wishing for all we could-have-been

Just so you know just so you know
I never thought you'd let me go
I don’t even know the truth
Yeah we were fine, yeah we were fine
Then all at once you changed your mind
And I was gonna marry you

I gotta stay
As far away as I can get
Cuz a part of me hasn’t left
If I get too close you're gonna pull me back in to
Thinking everything you said was true
But the ring around my finger proved
That I was your girl
But in the end it wasn’t what you wanted

Just so you know just so you know
I never thought you'd let me go
I don’t even know the truth
Yeah we were fine, yeah we were fine
Then all at once you changed your mind
And I was gonna marry you
Yeah I was gonna marry you

Take all the words you’ve spoken
And the promises you’ve broken
And throw them all into the ocean
Just to let it be
And late at night
When you're lying in your bed alone
Wishing you were still at home
But we both know its too late

Just so you know just so you know
I never thought to let you go
I don’t even know the truth
Just so you know just so you know
I never thought you'd let me go
I don’t even know the truth
Yeah we were fine, yeah we were fine
Then all at once you changed your mind
And I was gonna marry you
I was gonna marry you.

Reduce, Renew, Resuscitate

source

Sometimes silence is golden.

Sometimes silence is lonely.

Sometimes silence is just an opportunity to catch our breaths.

I've been silent on here for a while. This isn't an apology and I'm not going to offer any excuses.

For me, this blog is at times a diary, a confessional, a scrapbook, a release valve..... It's here for me in a way that I don't have the courage to ask any people in my life to be. It does not judge. It's not too busy. It doesn't care if I call it at 2 in the afternoon or 3 in the morning.

But sometimes I need a break from even the best of listeners, I guess. So I went away...sort of. In some ways I think I was just trying to find cover until the dust had settled.

source

Back at the beginning of January when I begrudgingly welcomed in the new year, I complained about this sort of cloud that seemed to cover everything from my physical and financial well-being to the sad state of my bedroom and love life. Little did I know that my world was going to be turned upside-down in the month and a half to come.  In that time, many people and possessions moved out of my life. Some I chose to discard. Others were things I would have preferred to hang on to.

 Either way they are things that the universe knows I no longer need for the future ahead of me.

So I come here now having cleaned out the purse that is my life. There are new people in my life. There is a new list of adventures to keep me busy and interested in life. There is a new future ahead of me. I have no idea what it looks like, but perhaps it's time for me to stop being silent and to start making noise again.

Kindness

Before you know what kindness really is 

you must lose things, 

feel the future dissolve in a moment 

like salt in a weakened broth. 

What you held in your hand, 

what you counted and carefully saved, 

all this must go so you know 

how desolate the landscape can be 

between the regions of kindness. 

How you ride and ride 

thinking the bus will never stop, 

the passengers eating maize and chicken 

will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness, 

you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho 

lies dead by the side of the road. 

You must see how this could be you, 

how he too was someone 

who journeyed through the night with plans 

and the simple breath that kept him alive. 

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside, 

you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing. 

You must wake up with sorrow. 

You must speak to it till your voice 

catches the thread of all sorrows 

and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore, 

only kindness that ties your shoes 

and sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread, 

only kindness that raises its head 

from the crowd of the world to say 

It is I you have been looking for, 

and then goes with you everywhere 

like a shadow or a friend. 

—Naomi Shihab Nye

It is a wise woman who learns from her mistakes

Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength.
Betty Friedan

It is sad to grow old but nice to ripen.
Brigitte Bardot

While one finds company in himself and his pursuits, he cannot feel old, no matter what his years may be.

Amos Bronson Alcott

Today I received an email from one of the HR people in Seattle (the headquarters of my company) requesting an electronic copy of my employee photo for a conference that I will be attending in March. I guess that 10 years ago when I started, the only copies that HR received here actual photos which they then store in paper files. After talking to a few people here in the office, it was discovered that my old administrative assistant had an electronic copy of the photo which he sent off to headquarters. He also copied me on it.

I remember thinking at the time the photo was taken that I didn't like it at all. I critiqued it and picked out all of my flaws. My face was too fat, my eyes seemed too small and I hated the way my hair refused to curl on the left side. It wasn't a photo I remember being proud of in the least. So imagine my surprise when I opened the file and thought, "Oh my! That is a pretty young woman!" THEN I remembered it was me 10 years ago!

I remember how I was 10 years ago.  I was spending a lot of time on my appearance.  I was working out for real for the first time in my life, but the results never seemed to come fast enough or to be enough. I was sad because there were no boys that liked me and more of my Saturday nights were spent home than out doing the fun things I imagined other people my age were doing.  I just KNEW there was something fundamentally wrong (and consequently unlovable) about me and it was my job to spend every waking hour ferreting out what that could possibly be. As a result the drill sergeant in my head was very vigilant and always ready to squash the slightest bit of a thought I might have that I was funny or pretty or great to be around.

.....You know.....kinda like I do to myself today.

Oh how horrible and ashamed (and motivated) I felt when I saw that picture. I want to go back and tell the young woman in that picture that she is loved and she is worthy and she is AMAZING. I want to tell her that she has wonderful adventures ahead of her and that she will endure pain but she will also know love in a way she never has. I want to tell her to put her chin up and her chest out and to face anything that comes at her with the courage and resilience I know she has.

But I can't do that.

Or can I?

What's the old saying? If you want shade from a tree, when was the best time to plant that tree? 40 years ago. When is the second best time? Today.

I don't want to be sitting here 10 years from now chastising the 38-year-old woman in the second picture above for doing the same thing the 28-year-old woman did to herself.

So, here's the message the 48-year-old Me has for me today:

"You are loved and worthy and  AMAZING. You have wonderful adventures ahead of you. You will endure pain but you will also know love in a way you never have. Put your chin up and your chest out and face anything that comes at you with the courage and resilience that I know you have."

On Finding Love - Part 1

“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” 

― George Bernard Shaw

Life is a complicated thing. Often it gives the test first and the lesson afterward. There are times when we think our heart will overflow with joy. There are other times when our heart breaks into a million little pieces and we're sure it will never be able to be healed again. We bump into one another and, like the ball in a game of Pong, our paths are permanently changed. With the smallest word, we find we are loved in a way we never imagined. With the tiniest slight, we are overwhelmed with loneliness.

As anyone who is a friend of mine on Facebook knows, the last month has been a tough one for me. I am fortunate that my family members are well, I have a stable job, and my health is good. But my heart has been broken and the loneliness I feel often overtakes me. A friend, who used to be a lover, has moved onto a new love. Yes, I split up with him. While I do love him, I am not in love with him. It's not a relationship with him as a lover that I miss. Our relationship had morphed into a deep friendship. We spoke every day and saw one another at least once a week. We had wonderful conversations of a kind I've never had with anyone else. I knew that he would always be there.

And then he wasn't there anymore. He had found a new love and was steeped in the beginning parts of a relationship when life is amazing and your world and your time are centered on that person and getting to know them and spending as much time with them as possible. Time's a funny thing, you know. It's finite. It's a pie that can never get any bigger and when you give a bigger piece to one person, that means all the other pieces have to get smaller. So that's what's happened.

And I'm happy for him. But for the last month I've been trying to figure out why this change has been so devastating. Tonight I feel like I made a breakthrough. The overwhelming sadness I've been feeling is not about him and me wanting to be with him. I broke up with him for reasons and those reasons haven't changed. This sadness isn't about him. He's simply a concrete thing for me to center my pain on. No, it's not about him. It's about me.

I'm sad because I'm lonely. I have lots of friends who are wonderful and supportive and always there to sign on for whatever crazy thing I want to try next. But that's only a part of the love I think we all need in our lives. I need people to lean on and talk with and laugh with and cry with. But I also need the kind of love that can only be shown when a man takes me in his arms and kisses me deeply. The love that comes from someone who wakes up early in the morning because he can't wait to talk to me. A man who sees something he knows I will love and can barely hold in his excitement as he shares it with me. Someone who likes the curve of my hips, the feel of my skin and the way I can't help but laugh hysterically at those videos of animals doing silly things. Someone who knows that when I say I'm okay, I'm really saying, "Please drop everything and come take me in your arms, listen to me and tell me that everything is going to be okay." And that's exactly what he does.

Maybe I'm expecting too much.  Maybe I've watched too many "chick flicks". Maybe the best I can expect is someone who doesn't take up more than his half of the bed, takes out the garbage and kills all the creepy crawly things. I hope not.

But that's what it's all about, isn't it? It's about the hope. It's about the hope I have that I will find him and he will find me and we will bump into one another and change the paths of our lives in amazing ways that we had never imagined possible.

So I will probably still cry and I will still feel overwhelmingly lonely, but there will be a part of me that knows it won't always be like this. That's the part that will remind me that I am wonderful and witty and amazing and worthy of a love that is good, true and beautiful. That's the part that will remind me that I am already loved by God and the universe and my friends. That's the part that will remind me to hug more people and to tell those loved ones that I care about them more often. And with all of that love bumping into those around me, it's only a matter of time before it bumps into me again.

Just What I Need

(Source)

There have been many times in my life when I didn't get what I wanted.  At those times I was angry or sad or just plain confused by the turn of events.  Then weeks or months or years after, I would look back and think, "Wow!  Thank goodness I didn't get that then because if I had, I wouldn't be able to experience and truly appreciate THIS right now."  It's not like I look forward to disappointments and sadness, but at least now I can sometimes know that when I'm in the midst of these disappointments, even if I can't see what that is, there is something (or someone) that will make me better and happier and a more complete version of who I am meant to be.

There have also been times when people have entered my life at just the right time and showed me or taught me exactly what I needed at that moment.  I talked about those romantic interests that have shaped who I am a few days ago, but I want to mention and thank another person who has become such a great influence and source of calm and confidence for me the last few years.

(Source)

It was, as sometimes great things are, just happenstance that I even came to meet her.  I was wandering the internet one day here on Blogger.  If you are on a blog hosted by Blogger, in the header at the top of the page there is a link that you can click that says, "Next Blog" (don't do it now!) and it will take you to a random blog on Blogger.  In the early days of my blogging I did that quite a few times just looking for inspiration and ideas from other blogs.  It was while doing that a couple of years ago that I stumbled up a woman and writer who touched me deeply.  She wrote of her pets and her life as a nurse and being a single woman long before anyone had thought of blogging about such things.  Her stories of Harlan, a dog who she says found her when she was at a point in her life when she was trying to overcome her fear of dogs, touched me as an animal lover.  (Fair warning - if you decide to read the Harlan Chronicles, bring a LOT of tissues!  You're going to need them.)

From there, I was hooked.  I think I read nearly everything she had ever written on her blog up to that point.  She was funny and insightful and a pleasure to read about.  I started following her blog and she started following mine.  Over the next couple of years, it seemed every time we would write something, the other person would respond with, "Oh my gosh!  I am the same way!  I totally get where you're coming from."  We discovered we have the same birthday!  When I shared with my readers the cupcakes I had made for my birthday treats, she was reminded of birthday cupcakes she herself had made a few years earlier!  Our upbringings and thoughts and experiences and even the content of our blogs was sometimes so similar it was eerie.  It was like we were living the same life in many ways only she was 15 years ahead of me.  It was like I had found a long-lost soul sister.

Every time I post an entry, I think, "I wonder what Joan will have to say about this."  I make sure to check her blog for new content as often as I can and look forward to her Advice on Love or her travel adventures.

She has, in many ways, been such a source of hope and inspiration as I have struggled romantically the last few months.  I often receive advice and "words of comfort" from friends and family assuring me that they get what I'm going through or that they know where I'm coming from and they are sure they "everything will work out" in the end for me.  But it's her advice and words of encouragement that I often find the most comforting.  As a woman who didn't find true love until she was 38 (the age I am now) and didn't get married until she was 40, I know she gets it.  She gets what it's like to want love in your life and yet to not want to be pitied.  She gets how ridiculous it is when someone says they hope you can find someone to "take care of you" when you've been doing a very good job of doing that yourself for a long time, thank you very much!

Recently I posted the clip from "When Harry Met Sally" where Sally finds out Joe is getting married and she comes to the realization that it wasn't that he didn't want to get married but that he didn't want to marry her.  I've been going through some stuff lately (perhaps I'll share more here later) and that clip kept running through my head like it was on a loop.  Joan's response was that, once again, we were so similar.  She used to run replay that scene over and over again on her VCR before she met her husband.  Then she said that she wanted an invitation to my wedding that she is sure is going to happen in the next couple of years.  Whether that is true or not, I don't know but I'm sure she has no idea how much that hopeful sentiment meant to me at that moment.

Finally, because I have such respect for her and her opinions, I was moved by her response to my recent Valentine's Day blog entry.

Joan, Whether we ever meet IRL (in real life) or not, I just wanted to thank you for the support and encouragement you have given me the last couple of years.  It's just what I need just when I need it.