You be the judge...

VEEERRRRY creepy or not.....you be the judge:

Last night, despite having spent her day running around with other puppies, Sasha was in quite a mood. Generally speaking, after a day like that, she's exhausted and spends most of the evening either napping next to me on the couch or lounging in the lazyboy. Not last night.

Perhaps it was the downward change in temperature. Perhaps it was the wind whistling outside. Perhaps it was the rose bush branches knocking on the picture window. Whatever it was, she was restless and insisted that she wanted to go for a walk.

Most of the time I try to make sure our walk is over before it gets dark, but since the days are getting shorter that is seemingly becoming more difficult to accomplish. So I slipped on some shoes, bundled myself in a sweatshirt and grabbed her leash. We were off. She probably would have been happy with a stroll up and down my street, but since I had steps to get in anyway, I opted for a longer route. We usually cover my street and the one just east of mine. Occasionally we go into the next neighborhood over. We very rarely walk the street just west of mine. Perhaps after last night I know why. I was in the mood for a change of scenery and since it was getting dark quickly and the western street is not lit as well as the eastern street, we went west.

As we strolled, the smells of falls surrounded us. The winds whipped around us and the leaves crunched under my feet. I thought about the fact that it was eerily quiet and that October and Halloween were quickly approaching. We had just made it to the southern portion of the street, which is void of nearly all street lights and house lights when I noticed a flickering light up ahead on the porch of the house we were approaching. I thought to myself how homey that seemed that someone was getting into the autumn spirit. We passed a big hedge and crossed into the sidewalk in front of the house. It was then that I noticed, through a small opening in the porch, a man sitting on the porched eerily lit by the flickering candle light. His hair was grey. The area where his eyes should have been were mere shadows. He was wearing what appeared to be a black cape. (The reasonable, rational part of me says it wasn't but still.....) He sat there in perfect silence slowing stroking his fingers across the head of an equally silent dog that sat beside him. It felt like a scene right of a scary movie.....or something set up by one of those haunted houses you can visit in October. I was freaked out!

I usually nod a greeting or say hello as I pass other people in my neighborhood. I couldn't make myself do that this time. I was frozen with fear.

I urged Sasha on and we (quickly!) proceeded down the street. About 3 minutes later we were headed back up the street (on the opposite side!). As we passed the house, now from a safe distance, I looked over to see if the man was still there. There was no sign of him! There was no candle. No dog. With one lone hall light on in the house, it didn't even appear that anyone was home. At that point, we nearly ran home. Now I know why I never go down that street!

So, you be the judge.....creepy occurance or just my crazy imagination?

Knowing when to say something

We are all human beings and as such we interact with one another and form relationships and attachments. Sometimes we are automatically linked to another people like our parents and siblings. Other times we form relationships with people because we enjoy the same activities, have similar political views or simply live near one another.

So, my questions are: What are our responsibilites in these relationships? How much should we involve ourselves in these relationships and the actions of the other person? What can/should we expect from the other person?

Maybe it depends on the relationship.

For instance, what are a parent's responsibilites towards a grown child? I'm sure that if we asked 100 people we could get 100 different job descriptions for a parent. Since I haven't polled 100 people and since this is my blog, we're gonna go with my definition for discussion purposes. For me, a parent is a caretaker and a leader for the child. For the most part, parents are given 18 years in which to shepherd their children in the way that they think is right. That means being there for them.

Really there.

Not just being in the room.

That means asking hard questions and sometimes answering hard questions. It means teaching them that fighting for the things that they believe in is important and crucial and okay. It means saying it's okay for them to say they don't know the answer and helping them figure out where the answer might be found. It means telling them when you think they are doing something that is going to harm their bodies, minds or souls. It means saying "I'm not happy with your actions, but that doesn't mean I love you any less." It means realizing that some day (maybe a lot of days) they are going to disagree with you and probably not do the thing you think they should. They (probably) aren't doing it to hurt you. They are not you. You are not them. It's their life, but you're supposed to BE there for it. Whether they are 6 or 16 or 60.

I think the same goes for our spouses and siblings and friends. Until we all develop the ability to hear one another's thoughts, we need to speak to one another. If we care about that person, we should say something. Your girlfriend probably doesn't want to hear if you think the man she's dating is bad for her. Your spouse probably doesn't want to hear you're unsatisfied with your love life. Your sibling probably doesn't want to hear that they've made choices in their life you disagree with. Those are scary things to say/hear. After all, that could mean the end of a relationship. But if things are broken, they don't get fixed by ignoring the problem.

So perhaps sometimes I say too much. Perhaps sometimes I should be more aloof and guarded. Perhaps I should just mind my own business. Unfortunately I don't see me doing that any time soon. Hopefully those who I have relationships with know this about me and love me in spite of it. Hopefully they know I love them because I tell them - because I am THERE for them mentally and physically - because I care enough to argue with them.

I'm very thankful for those people in my life who do the those things for me. I don't always want to hear what they have to say, but hopefully I am learning that just because we don't agree doesn't mean they don't love me. Hopefully I am letting them help to make me into a better person.

Sometimes time really does heal (most) wounds

A few weeks ago I shared a heart-breaking story of how my extended family flew apart after the death of my uncle. Unfortunately during the year after his death, my brother and his wife went through some very difficult times. Despite encouraging him to do the work that his marriage vows required of him, they were divorced later that year after only a few years of marriage. In 1997, when he told me that he was going to ask her to marry him, I have to admit I was not very enouraging. I felt like they were too young (he was only 21) and I'm sure part of me was jealous because before he started dating her, my brother and I had been very close. Over time, however, I grew to like her and it was nice to have a sister since I'd never had one before.

Despite my desire to be there for her during and after their divorce, we eventually lost track of each other as sometimes happens during these situations. Last year though, through the beauty of Facebook, we reconnected. I was thrilled to see that she was happily remarried with a young son. She had always wanted a family and she finally had it.

A few weeks ago, I saw that they were expecting their second child at the end of September. I took a chance and contacted her husband via Facebook. I asked him how she might react to a visit from me and I was touched to hear that she had always spoken fondly of me. He told me that she was scheduled to have their daughter by C-section on Friday in Fort Wayne. So, early on Saturday morning I made my way north and I was overjoyed when I was greetly with open arms when I surprised her at the hospital.

I stayed for a couple of hours and got to meet her husband, catch up on how things are in her life now and held their newest bundle of joy. I can unbiasedly say she's just beautiful. She soft and pink and spends lots of time sleeping as most babies do.

So, my heart is warmed that sometimes time does heal most wounds and I look forward to getting to visit more with them in the future.

Fabulous Friday Finds - Ken Burns "The National Parks: America's Best Idea"

Here at "Life Lessons 101" I've been trying to figure out how to share some of the things that I come across and my enthusiasm for them with my (growing number - yeah!) of readers. I've struck upon the idea of a weekly entry called "Fabulous Friday Finds" where I'll tell you all about some thing that I think is a must see/try/do. If you have anything you'd like to share, just drop me a line and I'll check it out!

So, for our inaugural Fabulous Friday Find, I present:

Ken Burns' documentary "The National Parks: America's Best Idea"

I'm a HUGE fan of the National Parks and have even considered completing the Iron Butt Assocation's National Parks Tour on my motorcycle! The parks are amazing snapshots of the beauty of the United States. Many of the sites were rescued and protected from developers decades ago and we as a country are richer for it.

This summer Troy and I ventured out west and visited a few of the parks. Being from the flat state of Indiana, it's hard to describe and fathom the heights, depths and sheer vastness of places like the Grand Canyon, Zion and the Mojave desert.

For us, these are tourist destinations complete with running water, indoor plumbing, snacks whenever we want them and cute little gift shops where we can buy souvenirs to show we were once there. But can you imagine what it was like for those original European settlers of America to stumble upon the Grand Canyon for the first time? They were hearty folk and I'm sure even they had to have been daunted by that!

I've only been to a few of the parks, but I'm sure I'm done watching Ken Burns' documentary (check your local listings for Sunday evening on PBS) on the beauty and knowledge of the historical places all around us, I'll have my bags packed and be half way out the door to see them.

The National Parks are most certainly a Fabulous Find!

A stranger in a familiar land

I was recently talking to a coworker who moved to our fair city of Indianapolis a few months ago in order to take this job. She's originally from Zimbabwe, so she's much more worldly and cultured than most of us around here. Because of that and the fact that she checked out stats on Indianapolis before moving here, she has high expectations for what a city should offer.

While talking to her, she mentioned that she was disappointed with the things that the city had to offer in the way of green spaces, walking trails, cultural events and restaurants. This is where I decided to help her out a bit.

I've lived here in Indianapolis for nearly exactly 12 years (gasp!). I moved here out of college with less than 2 weeks to find a place to live, knowing nothing about the city and knowing no one else who lived here. For the first 4 years I lived here, I swear I went south of 82nd street (the VERY north side of town) no more than 4 times. Since then I've lived in 3 different places around the city and now I work right in the heart of downtown. Due to purposeful action or accidentally getting lost on a couple of occassions, I've learned a lot about what our fine metropolis has to offer. So, as a way of showing her the value of our midwestern city, I present a few of my favorite things in/about Indianapolis:

Parks/green spaces: My #1 favorite place in the city to just "be" is a tiny little speck of grass situated between NIFS (National Institute for Fitness and Sport), the NCAA headquarters and the Indianapolis Zoo. To the casual observer, it doesn't look like much. It's sort of shaped like a mini ampitheater and during the summer lots of people gather there to sunbathe, read, play frisbee or hacky-sack and I've even seen one guy training his dog there. LOTS of distractions for that. It's a wonderful place to relax and enjoy some quiet right in the heart of the city. The view of the sunset from that vantage point can also be spectacular!

Adjacent to the little speck of grass ampitheater are another two of my favorite areas: 1) The downtown canal walk and 2) the bridge over the white river to the Indianapolis Zoo.

The canal walk area has something for just about everyone:

Into history? Then you need to check out the USS Indianapolis Memorial or the Medal of Honor Memorial. These are amazing monuments erected to honor our brave military men and women. Sit for a while and think if you're so inclined. These are memorials, after all. Perhaps if you're lucky, you might even get to chat with a survivor during your visit.

Is art more your thing? Then you can't miss the 92 counties of Indiana presented by artists. On the outside of the Indiana History Museum, there are pieces of art made to represent each county in Indiana. For instance, art piece for Allen county, where Johnny Appleseed and I are from, is a beautiful iron gate made to look like an apple tree. Beautiful!

Perhaps you're more of an active person who likes to get out and enjoy the fresh air. The canal walk is the perfect place to walk/run or ride a bike! You can even rent paddleboats, 4-person bicycles and perhaps take a Segway tour of downtown!

When you're done exploring the canal make sure to take the short walk over to the bridge that takes you to the Indianapolis Zoo. This is always a great places to see some magnificent sculptures. The pieces are always being changed, so no two visits are every the same.

I must admit I don't get to experience cultural events nearly as much as I should, but among my favorites are concerts at the Murat Theater, plays and musicals at the MANY small theaters around the city (checkout NUVO for show dates and times) and during the warmer months of the year there is usually a music festival of some sort going on at Military Park or on the grounds of the Easley Winery.

I'm sure after exploring the city, you'll be famished, so why not check out a few of my favorite dining haunts? Clearly among my favorites has to be a sushi place. My pick, by far, is Ocean World. It's on the north side of town and a bit of a drive from downtown, but SOOO worth it. For pub food and atmosphere, you can't beat The Chatham Tap (English style pub) or the Old Point Tavern (MUST try the chicken nachos!). Finally, there's a sort-of upscale family owned business right down the street from me called the Legend. At least once a month my friend Patrick and I end up there for dinner and are never disappointed by our favorites. This place started small and has wisely grown slowly over the last 6 or 7 years.

So, off the top of my head those are some of my favorite spots in the city where I reside. What about you? What about your city makes you happy to live there?

The carrot and the stick

I am no good at self-discipline! Heck, I'm not really any good at being disciplined by others either. I swear something goes off in my brain the second someone says, "You can't have....." or "You should do that...." It's like I say, "Oh, yeah? Watch me!" Unfortunately, much of the time those things that I am being told that I shouldn't have or do really aren't good for me.

Should I have a cookie? No. Should I get to bed early? Yes. Should I get out and walk? Definitely!
Do I have a cookie? No...well not just one! Do I got to bed early? Sleep is for the weak! That walk? But the couch is so comfy!

Knowing this about myself, I am constantly trying to find something to motivate me to do the things that really are good for me. I know I can. I've don't it before. I know those things like eating right, exercising and getting plenty of sleep make me feel MUCH better, but they seems so much like work and so little like fun when I am actually in the moment that my decisions are made. A few years ago I actually was able to buckle down and stick to it by working out every morning and shunning those pesky sweets. I took off 40 pounds and felt great! But now I've slipped back into my lazy life again where I opt for snickers rather than salads.

So what can I do to motivate myself?

Well, I LOVE the Biggest Loser on NBC! Seriously! I love the fact that the money the winner takes away ($500,000) is soooo not the point. I love Bob and Jillian scares the crap out of me. I love seeing people make breakthroughs about WHY they eat and realizing they are amazing people. (Still working on those myself!)

So here's my thought:
the stick approach:
I need to get more steps in since I am QUICKLY falling behind! My plan is that I only get to watch that week's show once my average for the prior week is 8,000 steps per day. Will this work? Probably not. But hopefully it will at least push me a little further each day. Currently my average per day is about 6,500 - hence the reason I am 100,000 steps behind!

Have any suggestions? I'm open to nearly anything! What works to motivate you?

The dogs days of summer

On Saturday, Sasha and I went to a little community park where they were having a neighborhood festival complete with square dancers and a jump house for the kids. There were lots of other dogs there and it was a great chance to catch up with our dog trainer. She was there testing dogs for a program that takes dogs into nursing homes and prisons for visits. I love fall for these activities. The weather was wonderful, the leaves were changing color and it was just a great day to be out and about in the city.

While hanging out with Sasha this weekend, I realized that in my next life I'd like to come back as my dog. On Friday evening, Troy and I went to the fish fry being held at our church and we decided to take Sasha with us. (I try to take her with me as much as I can because I think she would rather be out with me than stuck at home by herself and it also makes for good teaching moments to keep her training sharp.) While we were there LOTS of people commented that she was such a good dog and was very pretty. (uh yeah...duh!) As the fish fry was closing down, a woman came up and asked if Sasha would like some of her sandwich. Okay. Sasha certainly did like that fish. Then on Saturday while we were out, I decided to go to Dairy Queen for a treat (shhhh....don't tell anyone). The young woman manning the window asked if my dog could have some ice cream. She then gave her a little cup of vanilla ice cream. Nice! I'm not sure if dogs are actually supposed to have ice cream, but Sasha sure did like it!

Sure, as a dog you have to deal with ignorant owners who yell "Shut the f^*& up" (an ACTUAL thing I heard this weekend) when you simply do your job by barking at the strangers outside of your house, but for the most part, it's a pretty good life!


Seriously! Is this not the cutest dog EVER?!?