More on unmet expectations

So, in 1997, my younger brother told me he was going to ask his girlfiend to marry him.  For the next 18 months, I swear the wedding and all of the planning that goes along with it was the ONLY thing that was discussed by my family any time we spoke on the phone or were in the same room. God love them, I know they were excited about it, but by the month before the wedding, I had long since had quite enough of it all. I just wanted to talk about ANYTHING that didn't have to do with their "blessed day".

Thinking back, it was about then that I THOUGHT I had hit my emotional low.

A few weeks before the wedding, there was to be a girls' night-in (kind of like a mini-bachelorette party). By then I had grown to know my future sister-in-law, T (names have been removed to protect the innocent) and had actually begun to like her. However, I barely knew the other girls who were going to attend. The evening started off well enough. There was a little alcohol involved, but we were all pretty light on the spirits. A few hours into an evening that I thought was just supposed to be us girls (imagine painting fingernails, watching chick flicks, etc - all out girliness), the guys showed up. The boyfriends (or fiances) of each of the girls decided to crash our little party and mushiness ensued. With a little wine in me, (it IS a depressant, ya know!) I was in no shape to be so violently confronted with my singleness.

As they all cooed and cuddled one another, I slipped out the front door and stumbled over a few tree stumps into the pitch black of the night. We were at the house of one of the girls and she lived out in the country. So with no moon and very little ambient light, I crumbled at the base of a tree in the back yard while the tears flowed and the bugs began to feast on me.

As I sat there, I was overwhelmed with grief and feelings of loss. I wasn’t where I thought I’d be by then. (I was 26, after all – practically a spinster!) Sure, I’d graduated from college, but there was no dating life going on to speak of at the time and the future looked fairly bleak in that respect as well. I’m sure there are many who don’t know (and probably don’t want to know), but I seriously considered suicide.

I clearly didn’t go through with it. But it makes me sad to think a young woman such as myself would feel such deep despair over being alone.

After all, there should be a big difference between being alone and being lonely, right?

The best laid plans of mice (and me)

Growing up, I was never one of those girls who had the big book of wedding plans like the one that Monica whips out in Episode 2 of Season 7. I never had my colors chosen years ahead of time. I never dog-eared fabulous wedding gowns in the pages of "Bride" magazine.

It wasn't that I didn't want to get married. In fact, I was the vision of eternal optimism. Even though I came home from every school dance bawling my eyes out because no one had asked me to dance, I always thought that NEXT time would be different. It had to be, right? After all, my mom always told me that she thought she would never get married and she had obviously done that AND had two kids. (Thank goodness she just barely avoided spinsterhood at 19!)

I guess I always just assumed that marriage was an inevitability. After all, hundreds of thousands of people get married every day. So what if no one asked me to dance in high school. There's always college, right? ....Wait, I dated one guy during college until he dropped out during my junior year and I called it off. After that, I never went on a single date during my whole college career..... No matter! When I get out into the "real world", there will be scads of opportunities for dating and marriage. After all, I'm young and I have plenty of time. This is a new world and women are waiting longer to settle down and start their family lives.

Finally after college and out in the "real world" I did finally go out on lots of dates. I was the master of the first date (thanks to an introduction by Match.com, mostly. {sigh}), but I couldn't seem to keep them interested enough for a second date. Sometimes that was just fine with me, but too often I was simply emotional roadkill when that promised "I'll call you" never came.

I always thought that my emotional rock bottom in the relationship area came in 1997 when my (younger) brother told me he was going to ask his girlfriend to marry him. My response to him was an admittedly shameful, “Have you lost your mind?”

There were so many things about the situation that I didn’t understand. First, my YOUNGER brother wasn’t supposed to get married BEFORE me, was he? If he does, what does that mean? What does that say to the world about me? Second, I couldn’t believe he was marrying HER. At the time that they met, my brother and I were very close. We were attending the same college, had lunch together every day and somehow the boy who had driven me nuts when we lived under our parents’ roof had turned into a very good friend.

We were close and SHE was butting in. Matt and I would spend hours hanging with one another before they met, now I wasn’t allowed to spend 15 minutes with him before she needed his undivided attention. And now she was going to be around FOREVER? Til death do they part and all that?

(Stay tuned for the rest of the story.)

I'm an aunt!

I'm so sorry for the delay, but on Sunday August 22nd, I became an aunt!  Miss Madison was born 31 days early and was definitely very baby "rubbery" to begin with, but she was released after just 48 hours as a very strong little girl.

My brother already tells me that she's growing too fast and she's only 9 days old!

She is precious and beautiful and I can't wait to go up and see her soon!

At the hospital waiting for life to change.

So, I asked you all to hang in with me and I apologized for leaving you for so long.  Thanks to all of you who did and hopefully the story will be worth the wait.  For now,  I simply tell you that I am at the hospital waiting for our lives to change (for the better).  Hopefully in just a few hours, I will be welcoming my first niece into my open arms.  It's a long story (one I still promise to tell), but this will be the first grandchild for my parents (they are THRILLED beyond belief).

Mandi, my sister-in-law, is being a trooper and doing an amazing job.  I'm blessed to have been invited into the delivery room (who knew that was a possibility?!?) to witness the birth and take pictures.  Since it's probably the closest I'll get to witnessing a birth up close and personal, I'm so excited.  It's emotional and amazing and I can't wait to welcome her!

Don't give up on me!

For those of you still out there wondering where I am, I know I haven't posted in over a month (EGAD!).

But there's been a ....LOT!......going on in my life.

I promise to get you all caught up in the next few days.

Until then, just him a little "Journey" to yourself and think good things of me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=barLaHrtvoM

Ask Atgatt Girl - It's Hot!

Atgatt: All The Gear. All The Time!

Dear Atgatt Girl,

I love riding my own bike and I know that you say I should wear all of my gear all of the time, but during the summer months, it's so hot!  How can I stay safe and cool while I'm riding?

Emma Haught

Arizona

Dear Emma,

I imagine it is VERY hot there in Arizona during the summer!  But that's no reason not to wear the proper gear.  In fact, sometimes when it's hot, wearing all of the gear is even more important!

Staying safe while riding is, of course, always one of my top priorities, but part of staying safe is dressing appropriately for the weather.  When it's 85 degrees and I am asked if I'm hot in all of my gear, I either simply rolls my eyes or smart-assedly retort, "that's why I have to ride fast!"  There is a kernel of truth to that, but there are better ways to beat the heat than twisting the throttle.

Photograph from:

the Lazy Motorbike site.

I know we've all seen those riders out there sporting shorts and sandals when it's hot.  They look like they are probably staying cool, but they are actually making themselves warmer by not gearing up.  Sounds wrong, right?  It's not!  When we get hot, we perspire.  When air passes over our damp skin, we cool down a bit.  However, riders who are wearing a short-sleeved shirt may be sweating, but that sweat is being quickly dried off of their skin by the warm air they are riding through.  What we want to do instead is to take advantage of the combination of our sweat and the wind as we ride.  One of the best answers that I've found is mesh gear.  These specialized jackets (and pants) provide protection through a number of strategically placed pads (knees, elbows, shoulders, etc) and they are made of a perforated denier poly mesh which is lightweight and yet stands up fairly well to abrasion (like from skidding across the pavement!).  My favorite mesh gear for women is made by First Gear.  They are well-made, the sizes are accurate and proportionate for women's bodies and they come in caauuute colors!  Prices for these jackets are in the $120 to $140 range.

The mesh gear will go a long way in allowing some air to get through while keeping the sun off of your skin, but there are a few tricks that I've learned that add to my comfort when I'm riding in warm weather:

1)  Stay hydrated!  If your body is low on fluids, it's going to make it harder to sweat and as we discussed already, sweating is the body's air conditioning!  When I am riding in the heat, I make sure to stop about every hour to drink.  I alternate between water and a sports drink like gatorade.

2)  Wet a bandana (or even your shirt) and wrap it around your neck.  When the air passes over the wet bandana, it will help to keep your torso cool.  You can do the same thing with a banadana on your head under your helmet.  It may not be the most attractive look, but you will feel like a new woman!

3)  You know those ice storage units at gas stations?  While you're making your hydration stop, pop your helmet in there.  (Trust me on this one!)   In the 5 - 10 minutes it takes you to fuel up and gulp down some water, your helmet will have cooled off considerably.  When you put it back on your head, I dare you to tell me that angels don't break out into song for you!

4)  Try to avoid riding any distance in the most brutal heat of the day.  When I ride long-distance, I try to schedule things so that I leave early in the morning.  I then stop for lunch (get off of the bike, sit down in an air-conditioned place or at least find some shade and cool grass) during that hour or so during the day when the sun is really heating things up.

5)  Finally, dress in layers.  We've been talking about how to beat the heat, but when you've been riding all day in temperatures in the 80s or 90s, you will be amazed how cool it feels as the sun goes down and the temps drop into the 70s!  Like your mom always told you, "take a sweater!"

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Don't forget!  If you have a question for Atgatt Girl, simply leave a comment and she'll get to you soon!

I have found the anti-christ.......

and her name is Betty Crocker!

I've told you a bit about my relatively new habit of couponing.  I don't do it nearly as well as people who have kids and families may, but I've been pretty proud of my savings over the last few months.  A few weeks ago CVS has a discount on the Betty Crocker Warm Delights.  They are on sale for just 88 cents and I had 2 coupons for 75 cents off on 1.  That means this new desserty item from Betty Crocker for just 13 cents!

.............THAT was the good news.

....The bad new is.....these are seriously good!  And CRAZY easy!  2 tablespoons of water and a few minutes in the microwave and you have creamy, chocolatey, fudgy goodness.  If one is an emotional eater and lives alone, this is DANGEROUS!

Not that I know anyone like that........

Just sayin'......