Day #61 - Emotional
According to www.definitionofwellness.com, "The emotional dimension of wellness emphasizes an awareness and acceptance of one's feelings. Emotional wellness includes the degree to which one feels positive and enthusiastic about oneself and life. It includes the capacity to manage one's feelings and related behaviors including the realistic assessment of one's limitations, development of autonomy, and ability to cope effectively with stress. The emotionally well person maintains satisfying relationships with others."
The emotional letter goes to my psychologist:
Ah, the irony that I was just discussing with you that I was having writer's block about who to address my "emotional" letter to! It should have been so obvious to me. Perhaps it's because I often don't think of you as a person. You are simply a means to an end in some ways. For me you are a sounding board for all the anger, frustration, sadness and loss that I can't otherwise communicate to my loved ones; a light to illuminate what I should be able to see if I wasn't blind to some things; a rational voice to tell me that there are people out there who agree with my point of view or who are really "living" life in a way that I've never been shown. There are no other relationships in my life where someone knows so much about me and I know so little about them.
Over the past 5+ years, you have helped me mend my broken heart and broken mind with something more substantial than the band-aids of spending money and eating that I'd been using as remedies before. You've helped me be aware and involved in my daily life. It may sound weird, but in some ways, you have slowed time for me. Before I started talking with you, life seemed like it was going 100 miles an hour out of control. There were so many things that I "had" to get done and it felt like time was moving too quickly for me to even start on those tasks. Time still seems to go quickly once in a while, but I think I've been able to truly appreciate more about life on a day to day basis rather than thinking 5 years ahead. I'm able to enjoy myself more when I am spending time with family and friends, "indulging" in my hobbies or just laying on the couch with my puppy. I am better able to discern the voices telling me I'm being lazy from the ones telling me that I am a good person and I deserve a rest.
I still struggle with issues about my self-esteem, but I am learning to treat myself with the same kind heart and words that I try to treat other people with most of the time. I'm trying to remember that although there will most likely always be people who are smarter or funnier or "better" than me, that doesn't mean I am not smart or funny or good. I'm also beginning to realize that I don't have to be an expert, or really even good, at EVERYTHING I try. We are each made up of different talents and influences. There are things that we will succeed at doing and things we will fail at miserably. That's a good thing. After all, it's our differences that make us who we are. The world would be awfully boring if it was otherwise.
For all these things and many more that I'm sure are to be revealed in the days, weeks and years to come thank you doesn't seem nearly enough.
With all of my gratitude,