Over Memorial Day weekend, I took some time to go up and visit my parents (#21 on the list). It was good to get to see them and it was actually a fairly relaxing day for the three of us. I watched the race on TV (with Dad) and worked on some craft projects (with Mom). In the evening we decided to go up and put some flowers on the graves of my mom's mom and dad as well as her brother that died in 2000. May 20th marked 10 years since he died and so many things have changed in our lives and relationships with my aunt and cousins since then that I never could have imagined.
There are lots of thing that I regret that I didn't say or do before they each died. My uncle Steve battled brain cancer for quite a long time and I wish that I could have done or said more for him. I know that his wife was struggling (and probably in denial) and that his children (they were 14 and 18 when he died) were probably not prepared for his death when it came. After all, how can you be when you're just a child? I wish I had been equipped with the words that they needed then. I wish I could have told them how much I loved them. I wish their hearts would have been open to hear what I had to say. Unfortunately things have changed too much since then and I fear the wounds that are there can never be healed.